There’s a moment in Airplane! where a young boy has been invited to the cockpit to see the pilots at work and one of them, Captain Oveur, asks him: “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”. It is one one of several lines suggesting that Captain Oveur might have an unhealthy interest in young boys and since the question itself is the joke here, Joey is never given the chance to answer.
Personally, I’ve never had much time left for movies about gladiators. And it’s not because of any particular aversion to watching muscular men in loin cloths fighting each other to the death…no, in general the whole period thing is just not my cup of tea and I tend to steer clear of such films. I’ve never seen Ben Hur or Spartacus. I think those are both about gladiators, right? I think I’ve seen that Russell Crowe/Ridley Scott one, but as far as I can remember it didn’t leave much of an impression.
So when I read about The Arena I was intrigued, but also cautious. Any film starring Pam Grier and Margaret Markov is obviously going to be tempting, but one set in Roman times? Sure, there’s female gladiators, but it’s also bound to be full of annoying characters in togas and stupid sets. Will it be worth it? I decided to be brave (almost like a modern day movie-watching gladiator…right?) and give it a shot.
Basically, the people of Rome are getting tired of the normal Gladiator fights and are demanding something fresh and exciting. When a nubile slave (Grier) and a viking slave (Markov) are involved in a kitchen fight, it is suggested that perhaps the female slaves should do some fighting in the gladiator arena. And guess what? The crowd loves it. The problem is, the female slaves aren’t that keen on killing each other. They play the game for a while, until it’s time to mount a rebellion and fight their way to freedom.
So, this should be exciting, right? Scantily clad girls fighting each other with swords and spears. But, you know what. It just gets old pretty quickly.
Grier and Markov are both charming and great as usual, but I just really struggle with the whole Roman thing. It’s boring and, as predicted, full of annoying characters in togas and stupid sets. However, as you can imagine, it does make for some great poster art…
Here’s the most common one, referencing another Grier/Markov vehicle, Black Mama, White Mama from 1973.
In an attempt to attract some more buyers, the movie was also released on VHS under the title Naked Warriors.
Finally, an Italian version.
Released by Roger Corman’s New World Pictures, apart from plenty of fighting, there is of course a fair bit of gratuitous nudity, used as a selling point in this Spanish lobby card.
The Arena is not terrible. It’s cheesy and entertaining enough, but the Roman setting just really irks me. At least it’s pretty short…and it’s another Grier film ticked off the list.
Records Make Great Pets 